Ineffable Ontological Detanglement .: Introspective Assistance & Mental Analysis Manual
North American culture was already doing a number on masculine vulnerability however humanistic psychology has really fortified it. Men pretty much need to retain a certain lack of vulnerability, it isn't written into testosterone however it almost always springs out of it and we like it and we're happy with it and we're keeping it. North America brings it too far and isolates men, humanistic psychology's solution to this problem did nothing but bring the fear, turns out this... Force... This force that we're protecting ourselves from with our lack of vulnerability, turns out it's everything we feared and more, way more. It's pure horror, that is pure horror.
Every culture on Earth needs a lesson in how to be comfortable about vulnerability, how to be comfortable about your own barriers and other people's barriers and not put up barriers at the concept of barriers and know that everybody else is putting up barriers at your barriers because nobody's comfortable with the concept of barriers so now you need to put up barriers at their barriers at your barriers. You probably don't want to live in a shell as hard as mine, I wouldn't have it any other way however you would not want it, however there is never any need to criticize somebody's shell so long as their reasoning is sound and or their position seems to reinforce and require it. Some people have an improper shell, some people simply can't help it and while they may require a sort out, once sorted there's still no escaping it. Some people totally can't help it and there will simply never be any discussion to be had, not in the department of destroying the barriers anyway, just how to navigate these barriers. If you do wish to lower somebody's barriers, it's going to take a hell of a lot more than "You shouldn't do that. You shouldn't have barriers." Yeah well... What if I like them? What if I think they look good on me? "Well you shouldn't like them. Nobody likes them they can't look good on you it doesn't work like that. If it does it shouldn't these people are going to need to be sorted and labeled as well."
If somebody else wishes to be vulnerable you don't get to judge the act of being vulnerable, however you most certainly do have things to judge. There is still all sorts of... You feel this is an appropriate moment to bring everybody into your sad sad nothing? You want us to normalize this for you? You're trying to show us you appear to have this normalized? I DON'T KNOW YOU. You just have to do it correctly, you have to know what you're doing. Knowing that people are only going to judge this level of vulnerability helps those of us with barriers work on our problems. I will say it's perfectly acceptable to judge the entire concept of vulnerability in public persona workplace persona situations if this is what is deemed appropriate by your cultural conditioning, but you don't get to take it to parties.
If you can be comfortable with the barriers you can pull the moves that appear in the past to be a dropping of the barriers whilst retaining the barriers, such as finding a new friend and doing all of the initial "I wanna be your friend" work yourself. You're confident, you feel charming, rejection doesn't mean anything to you, the appearance of being rejected doesn't mean anything to you because you simultaneously know how to pull off retaining comfortable coolness and you don't give a fuck about anybody who would imposed expectation on you, you're fine. Your best bet is make the charming self deprecating joke that conforms to imposed expectation however implies you don't care about it.
Women, don't dig for a vulnerability, don't try to find a vulnerability, the feminine "It's okay" is the thing that's frightening us. You can converse about the lack of vulnerability, that doesn't need to be frightening, however you can't do it with the implication that what you're feeling towards us is the feminine "It's okay" all you need to express is that you can, if you need to release something you can release something I am trustworthy. Now you, the man, need to understand that releasing this is not feminine, there are ways to man cry, they just become a woman cry if you think too hard on what you're doing is a woman cry.
My mother always tried to suck on my vulnerability but she never got it, it didn't help that she always misread and tried to suck a non existent vulnerability. All you're doing is helping me build my barriers.
It malfunctions in a manner that is very non-masculine and that is at flirting. In mid to late high school I started getting hit on by who I thought to pretty much be the hottest girl in school, the certain edge hotness you see in us people as adults that most people overlook, sexy evil eyed stoner slut, reasonably smart enough for me to engage with, hits the level of acknowledged and has her moments of saying things I want to talk about. I really didn't think I deserved her, I wasn't ready for this level of hot. I tried to navigate my inability to show vulnerability with coolness... Aaahhh she wants to float on me, I guess I can... Ironically float on myself. No that's going to do it, it worked this time but I can't just keep doing that. Now she's rubbing my leg in class, nope, I'm out, can't do it, sorry.
Usually, this barrier is because of the repression hammer, even if you are a person who is not within sexual repression you know the receiver of your comment may be within sexual repression and so you automatically put up a barrier, we're all putting up a barrier that with most people isn't even supposed to be there nobody's uncomfortable so nobody needs to be uncomfortable about the other person's discomfort. You don't need to be uncomfortable about the fact that I am uncomfortable about perceiving your discomfort about me being uncomfortable about you being uncomfortable. When this kind of slut will freely break this barrier, now I have a new angle to fight with within my own barriers at nothing, now I have to find... Admit that my barriers are nothing. Admit that I know I'm afraid of nothing. Signal this to the woman who is sexually experienced, and I am not.
There were quite a few moments of "...Can I try again!? No I don't think so, dammit." I think her flirty little "Hi Rob" moment at the local club when I was back in Brandon between year one and year two of university probably would have been the one, but, I still felt a little socially beneath her due to what I had done. I believe it was that same night, it may have been a few weeks later, that I met yet another woman coming onto me, she was quite reasonably hot, some friend within a friend's girlfriend's circle, she called me a hotter Macaulay Culkin... Oohhh watch me blow it again. Alright I'll try it again but I'm doing it the slow build way I can't go right into it we'll see how this works out. Nope, now I see my new barrier, now my previous barrier makes a lot more sense... I don't know how to flirt harmlessly, everything I want to say cuts too deeply, it feels like an overstatement of comfort in my lack of repression but it isn't, the other person may well take it as I'm either a big fat sex pervert or I'm trying too hard to look like a big fat sex pervert. But it isn't. I just don't know how to do it any other way. I want to imply that I know you touch yourself to me just as you know I touch myself to you, I want to imply that I wish for you to strangle me.
And now you're always watching me for over flirting to prove I can flirt comfortably. So I always have to watch the frequency of my flirting to make sure I can never come across in that manner, BECAUSE I'M NOT. It isn't the blissful release of being able to do it comfortably now either, IT ISN'T, it was for the first few days now it's just normal now I'm just normal shut up. When I started doing it I vaguely had the urge to prove I could do it now but obviously that little urge became auto hammered upon.